In a column this week for Slate magazine, Mike Spies discusses “guilty pleasures” -- what they say about us, how we deal with them in social settings, and even the interests that he hesitates to share.
I appreciate the frankness and honesty he exhibits, especially when he shares his “lame defenses” for watching The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and other shows with “no anthropological significance.”
The article hits a rich vein of truth: that in our society, we’re far too obsessed with what people think of us, which leads us to develop an intellectually and culturally acceptable set of interests in addition to the real one made up of stuff we actually enjoy. Sure, there’s always overlap, but the first list wouldn’t exist if we weren’t trying to impress people.
The most essential point Spies makes in his article seems to be almost a passing thought. Musing on the implied questions of why you’re too embarrassed to admit what you like, he writes, “‘Are you so insecure [in yourself that] you can’t engage anything that isn’t obviously ‘smart’?’”
Well, apparently most people can’t. They’re too afraid of being rejected by the people around them. And that’s a real shame, because when you stop being yourself, it not only makes you unhappy, it makes it harder for everyone else to be happy, too.
The funny thing is, I used to do it, too -- that is, I’d express my interests in such a way as to seem cooler or more intellectual than I “actually am” (quotation marks because this is all completely subjective!), sometimes stopping just short of outright lying. Sure, I have my intellectually acceptable interests, like chess, politics, and philosophy. But I admit to some guilty pleasures, too. Number one on that list is the music of Jimmy Eat World, complete with all their melancholic, sometimes borderline-emo lyrics and sad vocals. Hell, they’re one of my favorite bands, and I own every song they’ve ever put out, even the stuff I had to dig for on eBay.
But Jimmy Eat World is not a guilty pleasure, per se, because I don’t feel guilty about listening, just as I don’t feel guilty about giving five stars out of five to the movie Eat Pray Love (yes, that movie). Frankly, I don’t care anymore if you tell me I’m a loser. Because you know what? I’m secure enough in myself, happy enough with myself, that other people’s opinions no longer matter.
Not everyone is going to like you. That’s said so often that it feels cliché and stupid to even say it (uh-oh, am I going to lose my intellectual credibility for saying something trite and unoriginal?), but it’s the truth. And as long as you seek other people’s approval, you will be miserable.
Most of the people around you are just as insecure as you are, if not more so. They’re just as scared and, whether they’re real enough to admit it or not, just as much in need of love. So love yourself, accept yourself, and then extend the same gift to them, even if they laugh at your taste in reality TV shows.
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