I See the Pattern(s)

Each one of us has certain ingrained patterns in our being. Sometimes they’re as major as a crippling fear or a chronic illness, and sometimes it’s less significant, like an emotional trigger that makes us get angry at a certain action, or a tendency to be tense and uptight.

These patterns exist because all us have lived unconsciously. They come from the time when we were still controlled by the thoughts in our heads and the circumstances around us. Those of us have awoken to the truth of it, who’ve realized that this entire life is just a grand play, have stopped creating these patterns by the simple fact of their awareness. Others are still building them in their unconsciousness.

I used to live a profoundly dark and unconscious life; I was perpetually miserable. One of the patterns carried over from that time is my fear of rejection, especially with women. It is such a deeply ingrained fear that even now, the right circumstances can cause my muscles to get tighter, my heart to race, and my adrenal glands to exhaust themselves, even as the psychological symptoms are more and more diminished.

Awareness is the key to unraveling every pattern, because every pattern is a product of unconsciousness, of a lack of awareness. Awareness of a pattern means realizing that it’s not real, that it’s just part of a fantasy your mind has concocted (and which, in many cases, your body may have bought into).

The next step is to take inspired action to undo it.

For my crippling fear of rejection, the solution seemed obvious: at the next available opportunity, I had to face my fear and approach a woman to ask her out, without allowing myself to get caught up in the frenetic chatter of my mind as it screamed its warnings. By remaining centered and self-aware, I have allowed my mind and body to gradually establish new connections, new points of reference to replace the old ones that have caused so much drama and anxiety.

There is no difference between what I have described and a chronic illness. Becoming aware and allowing yourself to experience the condition differently, with new points of reference, can shift a seemingly physical pattern just as easily as an emotional one. Holistic medicine teaches us that there is really no separation between the two -- they are directly connected. The only separation, in truth, happens in the way we think and talk about them.

The anxiety pattern I have surrounding women hasn’t completely dissolved yet. Talking to one woman and getting rejected was not enough to break a long cycle of fear. But it is, without question, on its way out. My physical condition, too, has dramatically improved as I’ve become more and more self-aware and got rid of all my ideas about what was happening in my body and what was or wasn’t possible. Where once I was in constant pain and seemingly always in a state of depression or on the verge of a panic attack, I’m now exercising, doing volunteer work, spending time with friends, and almost always feeling at peace.

So remember that no matter what may be happening in your body and mind, no matter how severe or crippling it may seem, it can be overcome. All it takes is your awareness and your willingness to heal. Sometimes no action need follow, because awareness will take care of it -- darkness cannot survive when exposed to the light -- and even when action does result, it’s natural. You may still need outside therapies of some sort, but being aware will allow them to finally work.